Filed under: enart.cgnq.com — wktd @ March 11, 2010 edit
I just had a baby 4 months ago and she is just a bundle of fun! Her father's parents see her alot because they always make themselves available and are willing to come over to our house and ask to babysit all the time. My mom, however, complains all the time that she doesnt see my baby and that she is very upset that she never gets to see her. My mom smokes so we do not go over there and she is unwilling to come to my house.When I invite her over she always comes up with some excuse not too and suggests I go there instead.My mom is really upsetting me by saying how unfair it is that my husbands family sees her all the time. She is really rubbing it in and making me feel really awful,I also feel bad that my baby never gets to see her,but I dont want my baby to be around all her smoking. What should I do?You're in the right here, don't let her make you think different. Your babies health is priority number one, and I am glad to hear you are keeping it that way. If she really wants to see her grandchild then she will make an effort to come see her. Hold your ground. Explain to your Mom that her smoking is whats interfering with her ability to spend time with her new grand child. Let her know, If she wants to visit at your house and smoke outdoors, then she's always welcome. Until then, make sure she understands that its her choice not yours.
Don't allow your newborn to be around smoke. Though this is difficult, its just your first of many battles that you will encounter as a parent. Its your job to look out for your baby and their well being...KUDOS for doing the right thing!damn.. that girl named "blonde-" whatever is totally wrong. Your mother is depriving herself from visiting your child. 2nd hand smoking is worse than first, and it would be wrong to fill the babys lungs with smoke. Tell her until she learns to control the smoking when the baby is around, you won't be bringing her around.I'm a smoker but I don't smoke when I have guests who don't. I'm sure your mother could handle an hour or two without it.Let her know why, she may be willing to change.You are a responsible, loving mother. Keep loving your Mom, but don't take on the guilt.
Your compassion shows in the way you've worded your question - so continue to be compassionate to Mom as you let her know how badly you feel that your daughter doesn't get to spend time with her, that you want her visit more often, and why you don't bring your baby over (but don't expect much, because smokers don't really 'get' how strong even latent smoke can smell - and she may feel you're being judgmental of her habit). She may pull out the "I smoked around you and you turned out fine" defense, but stand firm in doing what's right for your daughter's health.
My parents had 7 kids and never owned a car seat (and in those days safety belts were only standard in the front seats) - none of us were ever injured in a car crash, but we don't pull out of the driveway today unless everyone (including Mom) is buckled up! Times change - you're not asking her to quit smoking, just to understand you're only trying to do what's best for her grandchild.
Maybe she'd be willing to join you when you take your baby to the park or out shopping? If not, leave the door open for her and just tell her you hope she changes her mind but you have to do what's best for your child - just like she did for you on lots of issues when you were her little girl - and whenever she's ready to come over she's welcome.
Good luck and congratulations on the little one!This is your mothers grandchild and you are depriving her of visitation. You should be ashamed.#If you have any other info about this subject , Please add it free.# |
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